Why Mormon Guys Stay Single: Interleague Play

So, the guys that write the blog, Why Mormon Girls Stay Single, have been asking for a response to their comments, but most of the responses just come off sounding bitter, which really just adds to the problem. We are single because they think we're bitter. We are bitter because we're single. We're desperate and clingy they are selfish and shallow. It's a whole messy circle. So in an attempt to remedy this situation I will write about this issue in terms the guys can understand.

All girls hate Christie Brinkley. No, we're not jealous. She's pretty. We get it. Angelina Jolie is pretty AND a homewrecker and we like her (except for being mad at her for hurting our F*R*I*E*N*D).

No, no, no. We hate Christie Brinkley for making this happen.

She made all guys think that they have a chance. She could have had any guy she wanted and yet she chose Billy Joel, which resulted in unfortunate consequences for all women, AND for her offspring.

Guys, you may think you are better looking than Billy Joel, and you probably are, but you don't have a million dollars and you don't play the piano and sing, so you don't have a chance. Being a musician and having money makes you seem much better looking than you actually are.

The problem is this doesn't work in reverse. A-List guys don't usually go for C-list girls except for maybe in one case, and even her status is debateable. Girls are much more likely, if not required, to date down.

I'm afraid the men have stopped reading this since I mentioned Christie Brinkley , but now that I have you back here are the terms I believe you can understand.

Baseball.

Almost everyone in your ward is in the major leagues. There are some that fall in the triple-A category, but triple A guys marry triple-A girls, causing the major league girls to wonder, "How in the h*** did she get married before me?"

Well, the answer is because, they get it. They are dating within their league.

Generally in MLB, the American league(AL) has dominated the National league (NL). The best the NL teams can hope to win each year is the pennant. The World Series is 9 times in 10 out of reach for the NL. Now some of you, from St. Louis and Philadelphia, may say, "Hey NL teams are just as good," but really the only reason why they win the World Series is because the Tigers and the Rays just really didn't have enough confidence to represent the AL. There are some instances where the NL players are good enough, but those are few and far between.

AL Girls: These are the ones everyone talks about, and to win in their league requires a high price tag. The AL girls know they're good and demand high paying contracts, and are great in the regular season, but end up losing some of their shine when it matters and it sometimes turns out that they were enhanced. (You can recognize these girls when their bear their testimonies about the spiritual experience they had at the mall or the tanning booth, or about how they almost died during their surgery, type unknown.)

NL Girls: These girls are not triple-A girls. They are good enough to be in the major leagues, and they work hard to be there, but they aren't playing for the money. They are just looking to do as well as they can. They are more likely to be franchise players and loyal to the team, and aren't really appreciated till late in their careers.

Some of these girls are even the most beautiful girls on the street, depending on the street, but definitely in the top 10.

You have more in common with these girls, but you usually overlook them or run away once they show interest in you. "Oh my gosh, this girl just called me to hang out, and she talks to me at every activity and sat by me in class. She's in love with me, and is probably naming our babies and I feel smothered, so I'm going to go ask out this girl that has 10 other guys falling all over her and doesn't know my name." AL girls have practice saying no. They will say no to you without batting a fake eyelash.

Most of you guys left out there are NL guys. If you think you might be an AL guy, you aren't.

Stop preparing all offseason for, spring training, 2 interleague series, the All-Star game, and the World Series. Those are the most unimportant games, and if you never look at your division you'll be eliminated from playoff contention before the All-Star break. Sure you may get on base, and maybe even win against the AL teams in these battles, which is an accomplishment for you, but the AL teams only use these games to rest their aces and test their prospects.

Maybe someday you'll break in to the AL, but usually it will happen at the end of your career when you're clearly damaged and the only one who will take you is the ex-girlfriend that has had a lot of bad relationships since she dated you, and you didn't have a real good reason for breaking up anyway, and all you can remember now are the good times you once had.

NL girls won't try to control you, or run everything. They want what's best for themselves and their teammates, and are much more willing to do what it takes to win and improve themselves rather than rely only on their talents.

Besides, AL girls look great when they're shopping at the mall with somebody else's (daddy's)money, but as soon as you sign the long-term contract, she's suddenly spending all your money, you aren't getting what you really wanted when you signed her, and it isn't as much fun to have her on your arm/payroll.